Its ok.

Almost weekly i have a client say to me: i wANT TO. But i just cant anymore.

They are tired. They are fed up. They are at their absolute end. They are facing caregiver fatigue.

I work in a part of a hospital where, although clients are medically stable, discharge has often become complicated and a loved one needs a new plan. A new location to go. Different supports in place. A change in a routine that is just not working.

It may be a friend who has been caring for their neighbour for years who just cannot cope anymore. A daughter who cannot balance caring for her deteriorating father while raising her little child. An elderly spouse who can no longer cope to bathe and dress his husband and manage aggressive behaviours.

And the irony in all of this, is although the loved one can no longer physically or mentally carry on for fear they may fall apart, they still WANT to. There are so many tears and so much guilt involved- why can’t I just do this? I should be able to do this. What is wrong with me? Other people can do this, why can’t I?

And to that I say: it’s ok.
It is absolutely ok to need to stop. It is absolutely ok to need a break. It is absolutely ok to need to cry. It is absolutely ok to ask for help.

Although I am beginning to see a slow shift, there is a line of thinking in our society that one must put on a smile and keep going no matter what- without asking for help, even if internally they are absolutely not coping.

Well let me tell you- doing all of this alone, in some cases 24 hours a day without external support is IMPOSSIBLE. You can go and go and go but eventually your battery will run out. Try operating your car on a dead battery. It doesn’t work. Why is this any different?

We need to break the barriers and we need to know that it is ok to not be ok. And it is ok to need support. It is ok to need a change. It’s ok not to be able to do it anymore.

And, as always, during this process, our community is here for you.

(If you are currently struggling, please seek out support from your family doctor or a licensed mental health professional.)

At Compassion in Caregiving: we provide specialized private psychotherapy for caregivers (plus much much more, such as our group support program). Sign up for our newsletter for more information when we launch this very exciting program.